Britney Spears New Singles, Plus A Not So Rare Look At Her Assets
Well, we gave Britney's new singles a listen and while they weren't the worst things we've ever heard (that's a title reserved almost exclusively for most death metal music) they weren't very inspired either. They were well, Britneyesque. You can listen to "Gimme More" and "Cold As Fire" here. Why? 'Cuz, it's your time to waste. Thankfully, in my music-listening world Britney Spears and I don't cross paths, so the aural assault that awaits the world of pop music will not affect me.
Sadly, the same cannot be said for her ass, something Britney seems compelled by some internal force of unnatural will to expose my eyes too. It's not that I don't appreciate looking at asses in general, I just don't like looking at her ass. There are so many dents, crevices, hills and valleys — it's like some kind of obscene topographical map. And I hate geography.
This whole Britney nonsense is an excellent example of why I have become so jaded, bordering on misanthropy. For those who are still in some kind of denial about Britney, let me set you straight: homegirl is a knucklehead. A grade A hillbilly. A big zero. Even in her heyday she was a two thumbs down, and honestly if you don't see what I am saying, then no amount of charts, diagrams, bullet points and reasoned arguments are going to convince you otherwise. Britney Spears is no more appealing or talented than any other ho trolling the Kroger parking lot in her Trans Am looking for a good time.
Pop music is contrived and trite at its highest level. And that's okay, because it listenable and it makes people feel happy. But Britney never should have been at its highest level. Britney Spears squandered whatever slight modicum and fleeting talent she had and has been living like a pig in sh*t for too long. I am offended that as we enter the new millennium we are still plagued by such mediocre talent. I am not some kind of music snob. I like ALL sorts of music and artists. I respect talent of any kind. Music has always been an important component in my life, so I can completely appreciate the artistry and creativity that goes into its creation.
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