Oh Lord, Won't You Buy Britney A Mercedes-Benz? Oh Wait...Forget It, She Can Buy Her Own
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Somehow this doesn't seem fair. Britney has more money than she knows what to do with, and can just go down to the local Mercedes dealer and walk off the lot with a new Mercedes AMG SL65, with a V-12 and 604 horsepower. She's got tons of money to throw at this and at partying and drugs (there's a hearing today on that, y'all) and about a bazillion Fraps and bags of Cheetos, but I can't get a decent-sized vehicle to drive out of state to visit my father (from whom I am not estranged, mainly because I didn't do anything stupid to drive a wedge between us).
V-12?  604 horsepower? Brit probably doesn't even know what that means. The salesman who drew up her paperwork probably made a killing on commission...he could have told her the glove compartment dispenses Starbucks and the exhaust shoots out candy canes, and she would have believed him plus signed up for the McDonald's Drive-Thru discount. She probably thinks there are 604 My Little Ponies under the hood making it go fast. What gas price crunch? She runs over a pap's foot with that thing, it'll be halfway down the street before he even realizes it is gone.
Look at all those guys standing there watching. They're probably thinking about how much scrubbing they're going to have to do on the seats in her trade-in after she's drove it around all summer with no underwear on. Did she ever wash the Starbucks off that thing?
Do they give out cookies in car dealerships now? That's probably why she decided to trade...look, free cookies!
Oh Lord, won't you buy me a four-door used Cherokee? My dad's out of state and he wants to see me...
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