Porn Pervert Almost Has His Peen Skewered
Some freaking pervert was enjoying his porn at a decibel loud enough for his neighbor, James Van Iveren, to think that a rape was being committed. Mr. Iveren, who lives with his mother and no phone, busted in with a sword and held Mr. Monkeyspanker at points-end and told the guy to open all the doors in his house in search of the woman in peril. When no woman was to be found, he took his sword and left.Â
Mr. Iveren's, who is being charged with criminal trespass, criminal damage and disorderly conduct while brandishing a weapon had this to say:
"Now I feel stupid. This really is nothing, nothing but a mistake."
The lonely, womanless schlong-handler told CNN he would not stop watching porn, but would instead enjoy it with headphones on. And most certainly with his pants around his ankles and his hands working furiously. Loser.
Despite looking like a crazed serial killer and living alone with his mom and no phone, I think Iveren should be given a medal, a parade and possibly an Oscar. And maybe a makeover.
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