Salma Hayek Not Bloated, But Pregnant AND Engaged
Recent pictures showed a slightly heavier Salma Hayek than we are used to seeing. Not that it bothered me any, when her breasts start to eclipse the sun, let me know, until then it's a bouncing boobie free-for-all.
While many speculated that she was just eating one too many burritos, it turns out that she is in fact fully fecund, and with child too!! And who's the lucky guy to land this hot tamale? (Yes, I will make the obvious ethnic food references.) None other than some guy I have never heard of.Â
Francois-Henri Renault, who is the CEO for a company that sells stuff like Gucci and Yves Saint Laurent. Some smelly cheese-eating Francophile. Why France, why? Isn't it enough you have all the good wines, must you take all the good women too?
Thumbs up: he's rich. Thumbs down: he's sub-optimally attractive.Â
Why do his looks matter you ask? Well I am not really sure, but my sponsors say that I have to keep things sexy around here and that guy just isn't sexy. I guess he could hold his wallet up over his face, that might improve things. But hey, I don't have to sleep with him, right?Â
Wait a sec......Nope, I just checked my contract, I do NOT have to sleep with him. Lucky for Salma too, because once you've been with me, well, you know what they say.Â
In any case, Congrats Salma and Francois-Henri Pinault!!  Make sure you say that with a heavy french accent, it makes you sound classy. Just like me.
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