The Hollywood Hookup: Where The Stars Find Their Perfect Mate
The greatest thing about being a celebrity is that you get to date other celebrities. Which is only fitting because no one else should be forced to deal with theses pompous, self-entitled, STD-riddles ego-monsters. The only problem is, they seem to pick disasterous mates and that's why the divorce rate in Hollywood is like five billion times higher than anywhere else. That, and the fact that they're a bunch of philandering deviants. BTW, I never generalize.Â
So because I am a kind and generous soul I have created my own celestial pairings based on personality types, star signs and a dart board to come up with what I consider to be excellent matches. To be fair, I am only going to match up unmarried celebrities, because unlike Angelina Jolie, I don't believe in breaking up marriages.
Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt - They still belong together and I refuse to believe that Brad and Angelina are bound together forever. She is a wanton slut who is hollow on the inside and will ultimately drive anyone who cares about her away. One look in her eyes tells me that she is not of this world and I don't mean that in a nice way. Brad wants to embrace his inner child, which is why he loves children. While it was wrong of him to leave Jennifer in such a deceptive way, I don't believe he could help it.  He was under some kind of spell that was cooked up in a cauldron. Brad's parents liked Jennifer and still do, they aren't fond of Angelina. That's proof enough for me.
Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee - Look, let's face it they are PERFECT for each other. For the sake of their children and the other half of Hollywood that they haven't slept with, let's keep the Hep C and what other strange STD cocktails they have created to themselves. It's for the good of all of humanity.
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