Which One is Older?
I've been a mother of twins for seven years now. I still get all the usual questions that all twin moms grow accustomed to:
Are they identical? No
Are you sure? Yes
Do twins run in your family? Yes, on both sides
Did you breast feed them? Very briefly... like two weeks briefly. Don't judge me, they are brilliant and rarely get sick
How can I tell them apart? Seriously? They look so different to me. Jayne is a little taller and her hair is lighter
Which one is your favorite? Neither
Do they get along? Yes, for the most part
Was it hard at first? YES!
But the one I seem to be fielding quite a bit lately is "who is older?" I know who is older, my husband knows who is older, my family knows who is older and most of our very close friends know who is older. But somewhere along the way I decided not to tell Sejal and Jayne who is older. The older twin only has one minute on her sister. But one minute is one minute as far as siblings go. When they were small I coached them to say, "no one is older, we were born at the same time." Then I would explain to who ever was asking that we don't plan to give one the label of oldest child.
I have no idea what it must be like to grow up with a sibling who shares your birthday, shares your room and even shares your wardrobe. I try not to treat them as a unit, or a set, but sometimes it's just easier to pick out the same outfit, sign them up for the same activities or share the same playdates. They are always being compared to one another, and even more so being same sex twins. People are always looking for ways to differentiate them, myself included. And thus the messages they hear are, she's the athletic one, she's more girly; she's better at math, she's a voracious reader; she likes spicy food, she loves sweets. It's so easy for those labels to sink in and stick. "Oldest" and "Middle Child" are two I'd like to avoid.
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