Halloween Candy Count Reaches Triple Digits
This year’s Halloween haul hit a new high for our family. In an effort to minimize the intake, I knew I was going to have to act quickly. I didn’t realize it was going to require a tactical assault.
Thinking I was awfully smart, I proposed a simple trade. You give me 20 pieces of your candy and you can choose any book from Barnes & Noble. It seemed fail-proof. My 4-year old daughter gave me a sideways look, said “no thank you,” and promptly left the room. My 8-year old began negotiating. He low-balled my offer – proposing 10 candies for a toy (no book). I held strong … 20 and a book (no toy).
I triumphantly accepted his candies and as I surveyed his stash, I realized that he completely bamboozled me! He clearly was the king negotiator. 20 candies didn’t even make a dent in his pile, which was masterfully organized into Ziplock bags. Ziplock bags!!!! And, I wasn’t even on speaking terms with his sis who walked with her bucket in tact, choosing to forgo negotiations.
Clearly, evasive action was going to be required. In my daughter’s case, I secretly reached deep into the bottom of her bag and pulled out two handfuls of random hard candies, bubble gum and tootie-fruity garbage that wouldn’t be missed. (And, don’t pretend like you don’t do the same thing in the name of motherhood, ortho bills, childhood diabetes, world peace…) At any rate, I placed the two handfuls of said candy, along with the 20 pieces provided by my son and bunch of random confectionary treats no one claimed into a gallon size bag. Now, we were making progress.
As I stashed the stolen candy in the laundry room, my husband asked, “You’re not going to throw that away are you?” He knows me well. My response, “No, it’s going to work with you later in the week.” What I should have said: “It’s the cornerstone of my recession recovery plan to reduce grocery costs. I’ve divided the take into equal servings of chocolate, fructose sugar, and artificial coloring and now, we’ve got dinner covered for the next several weeks.” Alas, I regrouped and returned my attention (read: obsession) to “Operation Eliminate Candy.”
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