Battles with Food
My youngest son is in "morning Kindergarten" which ends shortly before lunch; however, since he is in "extended care" until my oldest's school day is over, he eats lunch at school.
On occasion, the extended care teacher sends entire lunches home with him with a post-it note adhered to the baggie, “He does NOT like this!” Sometimes there are multiple exclamation points. Typically the “not” is underlined several times. She explained that she does this so that parents won’t order or pack the same lunch again.And so, the child learns that they don’t have to eat what they don’t want to eat.
The first time this happened, I was caught off-guard, particularly
because the teacher lectured me. Her attitude derailed me, “You need to
know,” she flipped her head a little, “Your son did NOT like his lunch
today. So I put it in his backpack. I do this so that the parents know
not to order it again.” I felt scolded and small.
As I walked away, I was angry. I ordered a nutritious lunch. I thought he’d like it, but it turned out he didn’t. That’s life. I don’t need to be reprimanded for not pleasing him.I understand that the after-care teachers don’t want to force the kids to eat lunch, and don’t want parents to continually order something if it always ends up in the trash. But at the same time, it takes the “choice” out of the parents’ hands. Some parents might be very strict about their mealtime rules, and might require that their child eat whatever is put in front of him. These kids then learn that they just need to say “Nope!” and move on to their cookie. True, the parents can then provide whatever consequences befall the child for bringing home the lunch in a baggie. But the message from the after-care people is that the kid calls the shots.
The automatic assumption that the parent must not ever order that item again frustrates me. Maybe the child wasn’t in the mood for that particular food that day. Maybe the child was stuffed from snack and just wasn’t hungry. Maybe the child had an upset stomach. Or, if the after-care people happen to be cooking a more palatable snack, perhaps the child decides to forgo his scheduled lunch for whatever other options are available.
As it turns out, that first time that a lunch came home, my son’s portion was burnt. Hey, I wouldn’t want to eat a burnt lunch either!
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